Only 18% of events in Life are predestined

Before getting into the source and methodology of the study, let me bring up the 18% theory.  “Only major milestones in life are predestined, rest is all defined by the choices we make, path we take and words to that effect”. According to this research, only 18% of the events in life (major + minor), which are within the subset of “major events”, are predetermined/predestined. One can feel happy about the ‘good’ major events in this 18%, but for the ‘bad’ ones there’s no sense in fretting over it, since it was bound to happen anyway. This theory is based on a strong internal locus of control on the happenings in life. So, most of what happens in our lives, is basically a sum-product of choices that ‘we’ make.

Now, this research that came to the conclusion of the magic number – 18% was done by an entity called “A-Number-Makes-It-Easier-For-The-Mind-To-Grasp.com”. Yeah, it’s not a statistically validated number, but something that hits the mind faster (vis-à-vis ‘small’, ‘less’, etc.). The theory is basically a combination of ‘free will’ and destiny, both subject to endless debates (that end inconclusively). 

Let me take my own example. I strongly believe that ‘the accident’ was inevitable- perhaps it would have happened differently in a many-universes interpretation (quantum mechanics), but it was bound to happen. So I do not go into the “what-if” mode, with a sad look on the face every now and then. However, everything that happened after that was a factor of conscious choices that I had made.

Everything cannot be predestined, since that removes the human experience (and choice) entirely out of the equation, and everything would be programmed by the one above. Everything can’t be up to ‘free will’, since that makes the equation very unstable (with only variables), and people will then go into an endless loop of the “What-if” syndrome.  

We always have a choice- the choice to do what is right (disclaimer-definition of ‘right’ is subjective). Events in life are essentially the sum of these choices that we make. In hindsight, we might realize that some of these choices weren’t really choices, and that thing was predestined; but that’s a small number. So that’s that on the topic. Yes, some milestones in life are predestined and already carved into the road, but it’s up to you to ensure that the road ‘as such’ continues to remain smooth and not patchy, through the journey.

Ciao ppl!

Ciao life!

It's been a decade !!

Dear 'Rest of me':


It's been a long time. Of course I remembered my second birthday- Dec 22nd 2004, but the realization came only now that it's been 10 years. Phew!

I'm sometimes surprised by how there are days where I don't have any feeling that you are missing- at all, and life just goes on. At the cost of immodesty, I do admire the way my training and approach to life doesn't let anything seem amiss. But buddy, there are days when I look at the mirror and ask myself- "Dude, where's the rest of you? Really?"

Earlier tonight, Rishika was playing on the bed and said, "Mamma has 2 hands, I have 2 hands, you have 1 hand." I wasn't wearing my hand. I smiled and was about to give the standard story that I tell kids- how my artificial prosthesis is a stronger hand that I got replaced. They generally touch and agree that it is stronger. But she just continued after a brief pause, in a tone of placating me, "your 2nd hand is in that room. Tomorrow you wear it, then you'll also have 2 hands." The sentences weren't so complete of course :). She gave  a smile of absolute simplicity and peace of mind. I might be over-reading it, but I'm glad that she has the same fighter spirit.

Sorry for digressing, coming back to you buddy. Yes, I miss you very much. I'll always have the regret of not getting to see you one last time (because I was busy dying and getting resuscitated). I fondly reminisce all the good times we spent as "One", especially during Academy and Fauj days. Needless to say, you completed me buddy. Love you, always!

Ciao ppl!
Ciao life!

What is your differentiator??

I found myself asking this question today (what is your differentiator), when I looked at the mirror. Well, a full length mirror always induces the question of- "dude...what happened?" but this wasn't one of those days. Anyway, that's a different thought chain altogether. Many of us might have come across this question- in interviews, competitions, business (from a company's USP perspective) and other spheres of life. As I dwelled on it, the mental discussion became interesting. The initial 'differentiators' that came up, were all tangible ones - data points one puts on a CV. However, my mind then started questioning on every line item one by one- "how many people do you know that can do that or have done that?" Well, not surprisingly enough, I knew hundreds of people (at least thru social media if not personally) on every point.

So, there I was, back to construal mode.

I realized that well, my differentiator wasn't A, B, or R, but how I've used A, B and R to become 9. It's not that no one else can do the same and get A + B + R to become 9, people can. What matters then and what makes me different is- as a 9, how I've impacted events/people/organizations (positively of course), or how (and if) I've enabled others to get to the A, B, or R (the greater good). The quick takeaway- our differentiators are not the historical data points from events in the past (achievements), but how and what we have done with them to get to where/who we are. Potentially, also how we intend to use that to get where we want to go.

Leaving everyone with a thought- I have my answer and will keep building on it further, do you have yours?

P.S: BTW, my 9 is not out of 10 :), it's just a number amongst the many others.

Ciao ppl !

Ciao life !

Quick update on…. My Book

Well, thought of coming back to my blog with a quick update- My 'Book' is done... finally (finished writing/reviewing).
So, as many of you might know, my book is basically…well…my story. It’s a semi-fiction and the name of my character is Siddhant. It starts right from my NDA days with all the experiences, ups and downs, the accident, thru to IIM A. The core theme is inspirational and has elements of adventure, lot of humor and ahem…romance too. Tried to keep it funny, interesting and not preachy at all :), since it’s a real story. Many of my blog posts, which actually went up and down the sine curve as things happened, are part of the book as well.

There were those times of… I’ve taken out 1 hr, let me write the book right now…oh this dialogue was said by Chandler in Friends…which season was it… let me google…that was a good one…let me see the episode… No! No! let me focus… oh! office mail on BB… let me quickly respond… oh! this is also due today… what happened to that office mail, let me follow up… shucks! My 1 hr for book is over… okies some other day maybe… :) .. Well, finally I'm done...

Otherwise life is good, Rishika is growing up fast and becoming naughtier than ever. It was so difficult to take out time…really :). But finally did it, thanks to the support from my better half, Richa.

I’ll be sending it out of my inbox probably in the next 1-2 weeks, and then would be a long waiting period before it gets published. I would like to thank all of you- all of the anonymous and known well-wishers, who kept me motivated to finish the book :).

Ciao ppl!!

Ciao life!!

A cute little princess has arrived....

It’s a great…

It’s a great feeling…

It’s a great feeling to be…

It’s a great feeling to be a Dad…

It sure feels great to be a Dad and I thank God for bringing our darling princess into this world on 02-01-2012. The feeling that the two of us and everyone around here have, can’t really be described in words. Yeah well nevertheless, this is the first blog post about herJ. Life’s changing for good, lot of responsibilities, lot of dreams, lot of sleepless nights (more so for the mom of course), lot of sweet smiles, looks of absolute surprise, and lot of cries. After considerable amount of discussions we've decided upon her name- Rishika.

We thank everyone for all the blessings and best wishes. Here’s to you, our precious, the first few words dedicated to you:

The moment you came into being on January the second,

The life changing milestone, struck a conspicuous melodious note;

From then you’ve been the cynosure every minute every second,

There’s none beautiful than thou our baby, ‘The One’ we’ll always dote.

There was a gust of adrenalin rush in our body aplenty,  

The first time you looked straight at us, with those beauteous eyes;

The first smile you ever smiled inadvertently,

Was like a thousand rainbows splashing across the sweet blue skies.

Rishika, thine is this life to live to the fullest,

May you flow like musical notes off a humming guitar;

May you soar high in the sky, through Life’s troughs and crests,

And have the sheen of the shiniest star.

-          -  God bless you

Stuck on first page, second chapter- My Book

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged and seems like I’m saying this way too often. But then that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I started penning down the structure of ‘My book’ quite some time back and the post on Facebook stating – ‘completed the first chapter of my book’, came up three months back. I guess I’ve mentioned it earlier that the book is based on my life’s sine curve itself; hopefully more interesting than that though ;). It’s designed on a story model- present tense majorly. The plan is there, thoughts are there, key points are there and characters are there. What is messing it up is- ‘Lack of Time’ and the good old ‘external influencers’. Figuratively speaking I have a bow and set of 7 arrows laid out. I shot the first one few months back, but the target kept shifting and the wind kept on moving it haywire; finally letting the target hit head-on three months back. Two weeks back I shot the second arrow, but this time the external influences are way stronger; there are too many distracters.

But then again if there are additional distracters in life that keep moving our arrows away from the target, we also have arrows enabled with boosters now (and let’s not talk about guided missiles). The major distracters are of course the big issues and obligations; ‘job’, ‘personal problems’ being just one of those. If this is not distracting enough, there are all these minor distractions- some good, some bad. Yesterday I tweeted my first tweet and linked the twitter account to my Galaxy S android 2.2 phone, blackberry phone, Linkedin profile, FB profile and Yahoo. I mean, how many different ways does one need to be connected; funny Huh !

Anyway, it’s on me to make sure that the boosters are sent out to my second arrow at the right time and right place. It might pass through the pressure of an underwater current at times, but the aim is to hit the target as soon as possible. Wishing luck to myself...

Ciao ppl !! Ciao life !!

Some more lines for my...

Penned down a few lines for my better half on her b’day- Dec 17th :

When I look back at the days gone by,
I wonder what it is, that always gives me a high;
What makes me laugh at times, or partway smile a smile,
What makes me sad at times, but makes the ‘making-up’ worthwhile

The mot juste answer as we all know,
Is not hidden away from thy eyes to see;
It’s my “someone special”, beautiful as ever,
Beautiful than anyone else, could ever be;

I love you my honey, and you too know,
That this ‘love’ divine, is only to grow;
I adore the fact, that you love me so,
And to this precious ‘love’, I do bow;

God must have spent hours and hours,
Perfecting his magnum opus, going crazy;
When he was thinking about true ‘beauty’,
And the varied elements of my beautiful lady;

With you, every day of my life is a lucky day,
To you, I’ll make all happiness in the world befall;
I need not even say, but I still will say,
You’ll always be- MY belle of the ball.

The axis of Ataraxis: Peace of mind

I’ve been trying for really long, to write something on the unending quest for ‘Peace of Mind’ (PoM) that we all have. We define it in different ways depending on what we’re striving for, and the path that we’re walking on. It’s that state of eternal bliss, even if it’s for five minutes, when everything’s going right and you have no worries- at all. In our daily lives, where there is something or the other that’s waiting to be a cause of worry, it’s important to get your own PoM. There have been innumerable times when I’ve literally shouted at the top of a muted voice- “I want my Peace of Mind”. All that I’ve got in response is- “Chill buddy, so does everyone” :). I’m referring by ‘we/us’ to all of us going about our day-to-day lives, not those who have already traversed over to the path of spirituality. They already are at the ataraxis, and don’t need to endure life’s tribulations. One obviously cannot get PoM by earning more, or getting what you want; because as we all know, human desires have no end. When I come to think of it, a few years back when I made the decision of IIM A vs. ISB, I got my PoM at the moment the decision was taken. That was because the source of tension itself was removed. Now that doesn’t happen always that we get what we want, does it :)?

Practically speaking, all said and done it is not difficult to get your ‘Peace of Mind’, as long as we are aware that this is just a ‘state’ of being and being there for even a short period of time can do wonders. We cannot straightaway ‘sign out’ from our life with all its paraphernalia of relationships, responsibilities, joy and pain. What we can do is to have the ability of pressing the ‘pause’ button on life. When everything is going wrong and you feel like saying out loud- “I want my Peace of Mind”, just press ‘Pause’. Go out of the immediate surroundings to the balcony or another room and close your eyes; most importantly- ‘shut down’ your thoughts on what’s happening (be it an argument, a fight, or any other source of tension). Stop thinking about it, and think of nothingness- the space beyond space- what we call 'meditation'. For some this is when they think about God and find peace there. The aim is to stop thinking about all the tensions that you’re having and be mentally at peace. This will not solve the problem/ finish of the argument with your spouse ;)/ resolve your issues. But what this will do, is to take you to that place of eternal bliss, give you Peace of Mind for those 5-10mins, and give you the energy to handle all the disquiets. It will also give you the ability to look at your problems/ arguments/ issues and make you think whether they’re really worth fretting so much over, and wasting precious moments of your life brooding over it. This is not the only way ofcourse, once you’ve pressed the ‘Pause’ button- some get to this state by listening to their favourite songs, some by listening to the chant of ‘Om’, and yet others by sitting on the beach and looking at the ocean (and the likes). What matters is that we should realize that the means to the end of getting PoM need not only be by fulfilling desires/ ambitions. Even when things are going wrong all around, we can get to the axis of ataraxis by pressing ‘Pause’ on Life.

Ciao ppl !!
Ciao life !!

Two cents on Life- Never giving up: 'The Attitude'

Dear Life,

You took me up, you brought me down,
When the ship broke up, you said- “Don’t drown”;

I carried on, I swam along,
Evinced tenacity, made up an imbuing song;

I won’t give up ‘Life’, I won’t let go,
You taught me so, and for that, I do bow;

You may again raze my ship ‘Life’, or becloud every dawn,
All I would say is- “Sh*t happens and Life goes on”.

I penned down these lines some time back during my MBA days at IIM A (one of the blogs below), when my ‘ship’ was on the upper wave of the sine curve. From the days of training during the dark hours at the National Defence Academy, to leading men in operations in the Army, to lying on the hospital bed badly mutilated after coming back from the dead, to joining a premier league B-school; this ship has ‘been there-done that’. The one thing that has fuelled this ship all along is the attitude towards life. We have heard this phrase so many times in our daily lives- ‘Never give up’, or going up a further level- ‘Never Never Never - Ever Give Up’. It so happens that many of us don’t get a chance to say this often, and these lines mean nothing more than a very powerful phrase. Some people test the waters flowing in their system by going through strenuous experiences like mountain climbing, and the likes. It does not matter when and how you get to test this attitude, what matters is- having the attitude of not letting go. Experiences might vary in terms of degree of intensity, duration or importance vis-à-vis the big picture. The big test comes when one encounters the unexpected and needs to live out the word- ‘perseverance’. All said and done, ‘Life’ is iffy. It starts by welcoming you onboard the ship with other passengers and your journey of life begins. At times, all of you go through a tempestuous weather, wherein you think that this is it and things cannot get worse than this. Next day things are back to normal and you sail along the journey, happy as (you) can be. Life then takes you up a level further and throws you overboard. You may know how to swim or you may not, whatever be the case you keep struggling. At this juncture there are some of us, who think that- I don’t know how to swim; I’m far away from the ship; I’m totally fatigued and there’s no use of trying any further. This is where people who have the attitude of ‘Never say die’, keep trying. They might have similar thoughts- I don’t know how to swim; I’m far away from the ship and I’m totally fatigued. However, their next thought is- I am still alive and as long as I have the last drop of energy in me, I’ll keep trying. These are the people who live the never give up attitude for as long as, and as much as they can. Life then throws a lifeboat for both categories of people, but both the lifeboats lead you to different ships that are on different routes of life. The journey begins again, and some time down the line, ‘life’ rocks the boat again, and the cycle goes on until you get to the end of the journey. One’s attitude defines the actions and the thought process defines the attitude – It's ALL in the mind. What matters is the way you handle the situation when everything seems to be going wrong, and it looks as though the universe has turned against you. This is where one needs to keep holding on to that log of wood (if you find one), say to yourself- “This too shall pass...”, and carry on. There is no limit to human endurance; it’s all in the mind.....

Ciao ppl..
Ciao Life..

The Lifeboats: 'Hope' and 'Determination'

After a really long time, returned today to pen down a few thoughts here. I was just looking back at those times yesterday; trying to understand what saw me through the storm and brought me to where I am today. There were many factors that I can attribute this to. I’d penned down a few lines on this blog sometime back (Link)- ‘When the ship broke down, you said don’t drown; I carried on…’. The fact is that when I survived that ship wreck (figuratively speaking) and decided to swim along, it wasn’t just the will power or luck, or blessings alone; it was in mathematical terms, a ‘union’ of all the factors. The two key factors that constitute ‘will power’, when things all around you are going wrong, are: ‘hope’ and ‘determination’. All other factors either depend on these, or contribute to strengthen these.

‘Hope’ per se is not sufficient for anyone to sail through, because for all you know, one can hope for anything and everything. It has to be supported by ‘determination’ to actually believe in it. This determination might come from one’s understanding of the situation (what went wrong/ what next), the options available, mental and psychological support one has, etc. and most importantly the faith one has in his/ her own capability. In those days while I was on the hospital bed, there were several thoughts of ‘what next, where do I go from here’. I was totally new to the world outside the green uniform and it was the environment around me (sister, mother, friends...) that showed me the choices I had. The route I decided to take had a high element of risk; and was one of the toughest ones to take. This was where the ‘determination’ came in. It didn’t come JLT as they say (Just Like That), but after a lot of due diligence on what was required out of me and knowing that come what may,- ‘I could and have to do it’.

It is the combined force of these two factors that can help one sail through troubled waters. It’s the ‘Hope’ that you will ‘get’ through and ‘determination’ that you ‘will’ get through, that combine and make sure that you ‘will get’ through...

Ciao ppl !!
Ciao Life !!

Married...and on Cloud 9

Coming back to blog on the blog after a long time, really long time…. Had my one month anniversary recently and life couldn’t have been better….. The entire ‘marriage process’ was exciting and interesting.… From the pre-pre marriage preparations to pre-marriage…. to the ‘marriage’ and post marriage celebrations…. Very tiring yes, but it was something we’d been waiting for a long time….It’s a great feeling to know that that someone is there and will be there for you, no matter what; just as you will be there for her…..These days no one blinks an eye the moment I leave office (dot on time or even before), even if that means taking calls from home…home has got altogether a new meaning now :) …. So many things have changed…for the good that is…

All married men keep saying that this is only the beginning, slowly things fade away… I don’t plan to walk that road though…. I still believe that keeping a relationship alive and fresh is in the hands of the people holding it…..Thanks everyone for the good wishes. Here are some of my marriage pics:

http://picasaweb.google.co.in/rajat.the.one/ReceptionMrgPics#